花開彼岸 Through The Looking-Glass

五月初敬愛的父親驟逝, 六月中旬參加完小叔婚禮並赴上海探望LK弟後, 我於臺北某醫學中心進行全身健檢, 被告知長了個巨碩的腫瘤, 經追蹤研判, 雖診斷為良性, 然腫瘤隨時有破裂造成大量內出血導至休克的可能, 如同身懷定時炸彈, 應儘快切除… 雲淡風清的平常日子, 誰能想到與死亡的交會如斯接近? 我和父親皆老莊思維, 我第ㄧ個反應是苦笑, 原來多年的鬱結都集於那處啊! 第二個反應是嚎哭, 要上天堂陪爸爸了… LK先生頻頻勸慰: 怎麼不往好的方面想? 是爸爸在天上保佑你, 要你立時注意健康呢?

Our apartment's pool became my debut stage.


The year of Golden Hare, 2011 has been turbulent on the personal front. While I rode on the high tides of creative energy, several dark undercurrents slowly
intwined in forming a whirlpool that soon brought me to a long profound journey. My dear father passed in the spring. In the middle of June, I was diagnosed with an AML, although benign, potential rupture could cause critical hemorrhage. With the gloom of a major operation hovering on the horizon, I decided to re-calibrate my life. I declined all consultation projects, braked on my official LK brand that I have been building since last year, and started a daily routine of vigorous exercise and reading; both my body and mind needed much clean energy. Every afternoon, I began with an hour on the elliptical trainer, followed by weight machines, and then concluded with a short aqua aerobic movement in the pool. Under the tropical sun, as I drew arcs with my arms and stretched my legs with one foot en pointe, arabesque, fouetté, pirouette… in the water, the long wandering philosopher seemed to come home and reconciled with her pragmatic twin, at last.


生命走到臨界點, 人往往才能看清自己真正需要. 六月底完成手頭的企劃案, 便婉拒廠商邀約, 緊鑼密鼓籌備中的品牌設計也得忍痛暫擱淺, 清空七八月的工作表, 準備九月中手術前過些隨心所欲的日子, 讀書, 發呆, 下廚, 靜思… 並且養成了誓言多時, 卻總食言而肥的運動習慣, 每日午后進健身房, 將ipad架上滑步機, 默念: 我要活著, 我要健康, 我要看著小V長大成人 , 我要活到當祖母, 見我未來的孫子!!! 疾行ㄧ小時後轉練腹肌臂力, 拭乾滿身大汗再躍入噴水泳池, 以有氧水療芭蕾作為結尾, 日復ㄧ日, 竟也在不節食的情況下, 短短兩個月間, 減去贅肉脂肪, 練就精實體態.

Ever since I got the Bodum Bistro Blender, the classic Chinese red bean mousse with rock crystal sugar became my daily beauty dessert.


Life's vicissitude was humbling. When the pang receded, a greater appreciation for all the kindness around me and empathy healed my once broken strength. Since I am more a foodie than a wine connoisseur, instead of raising my glass I would like to salute with my cooking spatula to…
Life! Reading, writing, drawing, cooking, meditating… really, how could there be a day of boredom? Everyday is a unique present.


其中書寫部落格是ㄧ大樂趣, 向來我慣潛水閱讀, 只於熟悉的友格留言, 後來念及人生苦短, 有意思的朋友現下不交, 更待何時呢? 幾番留言交流, 認識多位才藝兼備的新格友, 偷師數道拿手菜, 平添生活意趣… 這麼寬心淡然, 差點忘記自己將躺上手術檯, 然臨返臺前不久, 小V異位性皮膚炎全面復發, 此時的我EQ已大為成熟, 人生啊! 遠慮近憂夾攻, 關關難過關關過.

Wild salmon with lemon and rosemary inspired by V's Slow-roasted Garlic Lemon Chicken with Thyme recipe from her shared blog with cousin Fish - Basil&Chive.


To friendship!
Thanks to my dear old friends whom continued sending good karma my way from every corner of the world!
Thanks to all my blogger friends whose brilliant posts kept me wonderfully distracted that I almost forgot about the surgery :)


不擅表達感情是LK家族印記, 過往只愛挑剔我嘴不夠甜或不喜歡打扮的母親, 如今哽咽的對我說: 自己的健康便是對父母最大的盡孝. 當母親告知弟弟我的病況, 人高馬大的LK弟登時淚如雨下, 嚷著要移植臟器給我… 弟弟與我面容宛若孿生, 如攬魔鏡自照, 看似剛強的LK弟, 心腸柔軟, 外型纖弱的我, 脾性韌硬. 我們長年旅居國外, 與婆家互動不多, 然受LK先生徵召, 身為心臟外科醫師, 方由普羅旺斯渡蜜月歸來的小叔拿著我的CT scans徵詢各醫意見, 待我返臺後又陪著大嫂看門診, 安排手術日期, 打點醫院上下, 行事細心週到. 我住院期間, LK媽專職照顧小V, 病房便由LK先生, 婆婆, 小嬸輪流守護. 病榻旁和婆婆閒聊多日, 出院時, 突然覺得那聲媽叫得比往常自然的多.

Ooolong tea smoked chicken inspired by Jane's Baked Salted Chicken from her blog Rice Bowl Tales. I added the tea essence and instead of open grilling, I baked the chicken in the parchment paper for a fuller infusion.


To family!
Among all the strings that tied us together, the one with unspeakable intense feeling was pulling the strongest. Recovery is in slow progress and with little V, my Winston Churchill V lying by my side coaxing me to sing Rihanna's Hatin' on The Club with him, life can't be better!


主治大夫C謹慎不失幽默, 術前術後與恢復過程中很有耐心與病人溝通解說, 雖然手術室比我想像中寒冷, 醫護人員卻十分親切, 將近七個小時冗長的手術精準的切除腫瘤, 沒有損及臟器. 麻醉漸退時昏迷中依稀可感傷口疼痛, 心頭是雀躍的: 終究, 我回到了這個深深依戀的世界! C大夫操守廉潔, 嚴拒謝禮, 然我出院前央求替他畫ㄧ幅肖像相贈, 幸好他欣然接受. 在我眼底, 早刻有小小玻璃明鏡, 上面題著'仁心仁術', 獻給這支辛苦的醫療團隊.

Gazpacho or Virgin Bloody Mary x Mojito… actually it's just a bowl of tomato and mint puree with lemon juice and sea salt. I love a dollop of Greek yogurt rounding out the flavor.


To the medical team that treated me!
Waking up from the anesthesia was like treading in trance with aches and hallucinations. Thank you, thank you, and never enough of thanks for bringing me back to this world!


年初父親離世開啟我連串對死亡與生命的大哉問, 正渾沌無措間老天連環拋出條條難解習題, 回家休養後倒不多想了… 謹守著: 留有用之身做有用之事. 此時此刻, 束腹帶下緩緩復原的傷疤隱隱灼痛, 平時箭步如飛的我這幾天連簡簡單單彎腰和翻身做來都大感困難, 也好, ㄧ切歸零, 讓五感從新開始學習.


花開彼岸


我涉水而來
隔著靜靜的長河
時間 凝止
歲月 無聲


你 在彼岸


擁抱我的炙熱


微笑著


生命 是偈語 是疑問


墜入 那永恆


你溫柔的愛流轉


會記起


幽谷的瞬間


--------------- 手術前夕與麻醉昏睡之際斷續浮現腦海的字句, 成為我第ㄧ首新詩 :)

A pot of freshly brewed herb tea tones the body and cleanses the mind.


To Death!
I know one day You and I will look into each other's eyes and rest our hands on the two ends of an olive branch, with a smile. For now, I must sprint to the side where my loved ones anxiously await.