The Colorist

Another month flew by that I found myself overworked and not spending enough time to reflect.  Words will come later for this post but for now… colors first.

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十三聲 There’s Something about Autumn

Happy Halloween!

Once upon a time my father wanted me to become a surgeon like him.  While I have been rather dexterous with any tool with a pointy end, I chose a pen in the end. It forges words that could cut or heal.

聰明伶俐的黃蓉, 為師者夢昧以求的學生, 舉一反三, 教授起來多麼有成就感; 反之, 扶不起的阿斗, 相父大抵嘔血.  團隊某新進設計師, 議薪時態度老練, 真做起事, 木頭木腦, 愈教愈笨.  LK開始懷疑, 是否敵方派來臥底? 要把我活活氣死!

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半晝秋分 Equinox, Reflection, and Old Friends

After a whirlwind homecoming to Taipei, followed by an onslaught of work crises, the home front matched its theatricality with a porn watching glum(still, after all that screen time?) teenage son trying to study for the SAT.  Life’s twist, huh?

忽冷忽熱的極端氣候, 整天瞎忙如轉陀螺, 頓想起年少時讀的黑色美學漫畫’惡魔人’與’深邃美麗的亞細亞’, 主軸皆是弱肉強食, 求存活不外乎結盟並吞同化.

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食無肉, 人瘦 Hannibal or Delectable?

Swapping the new year’s resolution with a bucket list has become my mission possible 2022.  What exactly does a bucket list mean?  Is she or he the person you always want to court but for XYZ reasons, you walk away with a woeful heart of what ifs?  When facing psychological threats(any thinking outside my comfort zone counts as one!), I tend to take it like Dr. Lecter would, settling old scores…. ta-da.

浮生若夢, 疫病戰亂遷徙, 外在世界翻轉, 時感無常且無力.  人到中年去日苦多, 自我期許每年立定志趣目標, 如黑暗混亂中的小小明燈:  去年讀書寫作, 今年精進廚藝, 來年或者重拾球拍, 因為高中網球課被當遺憾, 還有學奏樂器, 義大利文...

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有餘 I DON’T DO GOSSIP

And which part of it do you not understand?!  The older I get, the less patience I have for people who just refuse to listen.  Friday afternoon after an empowering weekly TB with my team when I was feeling positive(and grateful) to end a grueling week of meeting marathons, I received an infuriating WeChat from an old business partner haggling over opportunities to gossip about some sordid shenanigans.  After a chain of meaningless exchanges, I decided to bid adieu to such burned out ‘friendship’.  I don’t draw these fierce tiger and tigress for the Lunar New Year for no good reasons :P  

送牛迎虎, 也搬至新辦公室!  臨窗遠眺海灣大橋, 背對紅磚和書架, 隔著玻璃牆盯著團隊, 拂肘當我的南面王.

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嬝裊 Auld Lang Syne

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?  Don’t be silly.  Old ghosts haunted me left and right from the parting curse of my ex to a miniature Rolleiflex that I spent a fortune on that only made itself useful a handful of times… Dear reader, allow me to reacquaint you with treasures from the past, a retro calendar I designed for the previous brand I served and my bronze leaf tray ‘By The Lotus Pond’.  If you’re compelled to collect the latter, please visit my Etsy boutique :) 

搬回灣區近十年, 家中冗物無上限增加, 2022任務便是去蕪存菁own less, live more.   舊物重見天日, 不免也嘆, LK品味數十年如一, 心頭好始終經典, 古樸, 侘寂; 想想個人風格是如何養成的, 靈魂若參天老樹, 靜謐發芽, 總算活到表裏如一的年紀.

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年華 The Heart of The Wise

“The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of the fools is in the house of mirth.”

----------  Hebrew Bible, Ecclesiastes 7:4

Ta-da, my reading of the month was The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton and as a rebound (don’t ask me why, please) I already embarked on Angela Carter’s The Infernal Desire Machines of Doctor Hoffman for my November read.  Wharton scaffolds the intricate New York high society and depicts the interiority of her characters with a melancholy sensibility.  The protagonist, Lily Bart, is far from likable.  Witnessing her demise, the reader is cornered and suffocated by disillusions in the end.  Edith Wharton too was the product of her society that privileges did not bestow happiness.

初讀Edith Wharton於花樣年華純真年代, 加上Scorsese的經典電影, 她的不回首與他的過門不入, 讓人惆悵.  Wharton寫內心戲真正高手, 十月選讀The House of Mirth 也曾搬上銀幕, 由Gillian Anderson主演, 可惜當年錯過現下也找不著.  浮華人生, 沒落貴族, 花瓶般的女主角Lily Bart有太多的心機, 極度缺乏勇氣, 隨波逐流凋零絕境, 寫實的凄涼.

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囚俘 My Prisoner And My Friend

August, an auspicious month commenced with the birthday of my dear brother, my old friend M’s in the middle and followed by mine… a pride of lions and lioness.  Technically I am a Virgo who loves roaring :)  Juggling the parallel universe of return to the office working and my summer course of creative writing, I was invigorated by the odd chemistry.

八月平行宇宙, 公司全面復工, 幾星期通勤下來, LK變身企管機器, 靈魂留給海底兩萬哩… 

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勞牢 Rorschach Test_ECOF

My younger self was like a mirror, it reflected the worst of what people instilled in me.  The benefit of aging(WISDOM?) is manifested in the form of an emotion filtration system, repolymerizing negativity into rejuvenation.  My ECOF(still sounds like swearing?) is the weekend homemade dim sum.  The more stressful work is Monday to Friday, the more daunting culinary tasks I take on during the weekend.

'勞'騷還是'牢'騷?  敝人中文每況愈下, 不時張冠李戴, 勞動階級憂心費力, 為五斗米折腰, 如身陷囹䦜, 勞牢通用也; 想深一層, 心鎖永遠自設.

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犇年 Matador

Although I am not a cynic, I am skeptical by nature and holiday greetings irk me with superfluous sentimentality.  Converted in year 2020, carpe diem.  Let your family and friends know how much you care.  My fondest Lunar New Year memories were delicious foods my grandma prepared and ink paintings of the zodiac, the art that my grandpa inspired in me.  Happy New Year of the Golden Ox!

虛妄的2020, 多變庚子鼠年疫病瘋魔, 能撐至辛丑牛年, 感慨外是感懷生命種種溫情.  WFH免卻通勤, 日日節省下來寸寸光陰豈可浪費, 無事忙LK農曆春節前兩星期家廚密集實驗, 自製蜜餞菓粿糕點, 居然有模有樣.  天天傳給團隊們共賞, 人人讚美:  LK果然學究精神, 米其林私房菜了這都?! 

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童心 Miss LK's Rhapsody 12th Anniversary

While MarieKondo-ing my home office over the holidays, I discovered a box of letters, notes and postcards from the past. Many dated all the way back to my academic years and gratefully the fellowship remains until this day.  A letter from Professor S resurfaced just in time, a window to her soul inspiring our 'LITTLE' book league.  Am I really that brilliant as in Professor S' praises?  Don't be silly.

整個年假, 圍繞灶爐團團轉, 雖說LK髪長如魔戒中的精靈王或白袍巫師, 嗜好則近似哈比, 愛吃喝愛蝸居愛舒適.  讀WSJ報導研究所老同學的文章, 像中人眼神沈斂風采蒼桑, 與當年俏麗模樣ㄧ時連不上, 不驚自覺, 她若突見今時的我, 大抵有同樣感慨.

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舊愛 Hrabal And Hannibal

Found another book in my garage(where're the skeletons?) which I started reading years ago and closed the final chapter with dignity last Sunday in one sitting, Too Loud A Solitude by Bohumil Hrabal.  Over a decade, the story of Hanta, the bibliophile, marinated to perfection for my palate or for it, I properly aged.  

兩者風馬牛不相及, 卻於敝人腦海過招, 愛誰更多些?  Dr. Lecter前有Anthony Hopkins睿智冰藍雙眸後有肌肉型男Mads Mikkelsen背書, 食色性也略勝一籌?  孰不知讀舊書的午后, 一氣呵成Too Loud A Solitude, 末頁喝得醉醺醺的怪老頭Hanta替自己舖好碎紙墓穴, 按下千斤頂壓床綠色鈕, 他眼前浮現曾親手綰的風箏和莫名失蹤枉死的吉普塞戀人…

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黑洞 A Cynic's Dictionary of Relativity

Far, far away in the galaxy the black hole exists... my once sweet little boy has also gone into the adolescence black ‘whole’ and I cannot wait for him to emerge from the other end.  I might have signed up for more than I could fulfill, the event horizon is cluttering up.  I was writing this post while traveling in Ho Chi Minh City, Phnom Penh, Shenzhen and New Delhi for work, my mind continued to dwell in Tokyo where the LK clan spent our winter vacation, warping of space-time.

Le Chocolat Alain Ducasse at Nihonbashi.

小V正值難搞青春期, 我應老朋友M邀約加入慈善基金會董事, 工作則依然忙得不可開交… 想想自己是否過份貪心, 好好扮演一個角色已不易, 怎能三頭六臂面面俱到?

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語言和公約數 Las Palabras de Amor

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”

_____ Mark Twain

I executed a corporate order on the Friday post Valentine.  It hurt deeply on multiple facets.  I found solace within a lovely bouquet arranged by the boys.  Mr. LK picked me camellia blossoms from our backyard and Little V drew me the sweetest note.  Still, not sure how I am ever going to get over this, perhaps only time will tell.  I wish I could spare you the pain, the confusion yet I failed miserably, as a leader of the team.  I am sorry beyond words.

情人節當天公司舉辦派對分豬肉似的頒獎, 頂頭上司進我辦公室低聲說這次你來我無需在場, 而後人事部召我密談, 隔天我排除所有人類的情緒情感, 裁去團隊共事四年的年青設計師莎拉.

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樓上的瘋女人 Afternoon Soliloquy

Rarely do I find a Sunday afternoon without anxiety for Monday or perhaps I finally reach the state of Zen, I decided to ponder on various subjects.

初春粉櫻山茶遍開, 週末懶洋洋賴家中, 翻閱校友寫的The Mad Woman Upstairs. 

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孤獨求敗 vs. 東方不敗 Oktoberfest a la Camus

前者是藝術家, 後者為政治家. 

是不是人到某個年紀, 健康時非我予, 情愛過境千帆, 只好奮然緊握生命最終的掌控, 如飛蛾撲火追求權力?

My daily long commute from the Silicon Valley to San Francisco often reminds me of Sisyphus rolling up the boulder.  Shamelessly, among the four characters of an absurd life prescribed by Camus, the seducer, the actor, the conqueror, and the artist, I identify with the last.  I eat create therefore I am.

近來常想起'笑傲江湖', 金庸小說這部最經得起時間洗㶑, 年少時醉心種種技藝書寫, 年青時也曾為個個癡情人物惋歎, 如今人到中年, 我似乎漸漸懂任我行和東方不敗.

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失意與詩意 Burning in Water, Drowning in Flame

English title inspired by Charles Bukowski's collection of poems.

Rather, I am burning in creativity and drowning in reality.  Meeting agendas, project deadlines, running between the office and home… OLD HATS!  More than ever, it's not only the focus that I need to find, I must identify my locus.  Step one:  relax my mind in the nature.

這幾個月逼上梁山, 人人身挑數職, 割不正, 不食.  何況我向來吃飯慢, 急不得, 乾脆不吃!  剩得顴骨和眼睛, 似某種夜行動物, 所以… '嚥不下, 玉粒金波咽滿喉, 照不盡, 菱花鏡裡形容瘦'說的不是相思?

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昇華 Dares To Be Tough Can Equally Dare To Be Delicate

'A woman who dares to be tough can equally dare to be delicate.' is the message behind Chloe, the Parisian couture house's autumn 2016 line.  The attitude and duality, to be applauded and the pairing of cascading ruffles of chiffon with linear simplicity of leather gear is a reverie to lose oneself in.

www.chloe.com

氣氛低迷, 大夥苦中作樂, 由我領隊聯合織品部企劃春夏交接系列, 邊加班邊聊天, 互猜如果不幹這行會做什麼?  眾人紛紛推選LK重入古老學府再修幾個學位!  進修的確乃自我昇華良方, 從小到大甚少訴苦, 不知撒嬌是何物, 往往出借肩膀讓好友哭泣當情緒靠山.  年輕時為戀人傷透心也只承諾自己有天將更有成就絕不回頭, 多年後於LinkedIn再見熟悉的名字微微淺笑. 如今為人妻人母, 與LK先生意見分岐, 心愈冷愈清晰, 雙眸探照燈般端詳眼前人, 十多年前此君還是研究所電機系最帥的男生…

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喧囂 Too Loud A Solitude

If, if I am to write another post inspired by Hannibal, God, I need help!  Beyond helps I am.  It is Dante where the frail maiden eats a piece of your burning heart from the fair hand of Venus.  It is E.E. Cummings when your glance of knowing ignites my soul.  After Dr. Lecter studied the files of Francis D, he summed up, 'This is a very shy boy, Will.  I would love to meet him.'  How Hannibal saw the root of the root with a nonchalant empathy was disturbing.

Blue Bottle Coffee at the old Border's location in Palo Alto.

每週觀賞Hannibal後我都會陷入浪漫的沈思不可自拔, 這可是食人魔的故事啊! 是不是內心深處的我其實是個大變態呢?

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鍋裏有隻雞 Poulet Au The

An old sketch I did at L'Arpege Paris in 2011 - fresh radish as the table setting!  When was the last time I actually write or draw for fun?  Perhaps this book by Brigid Schulte, Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time could point me to the right direction.

那天接小V下課懶燒飯, 帶他上館子吃冰淇淋兼逛書店, 巧遇Brigid Schulte新書發表會 - "Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time" ,可不正點出了職業女性難處?

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