母與子 Mommy Dearest

節日ㄧ般心領就好, 記得小學班上有位同學隨父親生活, 每逢母親節美術課應景趕著自繪卡片, 音樂課則拉著喉嚨大唱: "母親像月亮ㄧ樣..." 同學眼中流露複雜神色, 身旁的我們恨不得老師別再制式化歌誦母愛, 家家有本難唸的經, 體諒ㄧ下別人的心情好吧...
It seems an odd timing to have such discussion right before the Mother's Day…  I read the book but am yet to watch the movie.  Still, I could see no one but Tilda Swinton to portray Eva in We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver.  Swinton's formidable presence alone would set the perfect tone for this story about a strong willed mother whose power struggle with her sinister son becomes the fallacy of rationalizing his motivation for a meticulously calculated massacre.  The book was written in a psychological soliloquy of sharp, reflective analysis on parenthood, feminism, American dream, and what makes a family family.  Who in the end was to be held accountable for the horrendous crime?  The detached son, the aloof mother, or shall we resort to the daunting force of Nature, or rather Fortune?  I especially admire how Shriver continued to pound the question relentlessly even after the climax.  The 'talk' never quite happened before the main characters met their dooms physical or mental in the story.  Perhaps this is a wake up call to remind us that something is not necessarily better left unsaid.

movie poster source - yahoo images
連串旅行前讀了We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver大為感動, ㄧ當然故事佈局嚴謹, 筆法曲折, 分析絲絲入扣, 是部水準之作!









二是女主角心路歷程竟然和我如此相似(!), 像是讀自己的日記, 一個更深沈的自己… 熟悉故事的朋友如果替小V的將來擔心, 稍安勿躁. 雖然我立志實施鋼鐵般的母愛, 造化畢竟弄人… 小V愛哭愛撒嬌愛黏媽咪, drama queen天生天成, 大抵不會是書中智商過人然冷靜冷血的校園狙擊手. 故事表面驚悚交纏厄念, 初閱如偵辦謀殺案, 總想著自己是不是忽略了哪條線索… 讀著讀著陷入核心, We Need to Talk About Kevin於親子關係, 女權, 愛, 美國夢, 家庭觀… 種種人性探討, 滋味縱然苦澀也不忍釋卷.


A child needs your love most when he deserves it least.
- Erma Bombeck


前言看似直接, 等故事走到尾聲回溯, 才發覺生命有其奧妙, 更多是教人驚懼的出人意表. 人定勝天?! 永遠永遠不要低估你的對手, 何況走棋的可是老天爺.

今年我獻上自己設計的Wanderlust Pewter Teaspoons給LK媽作為母親節賀禮, LK媽多要兩副送她的手帕交, 這兩位母親好友於我父親去世和小阿姨與病魔纏鬥時期, 陪伴她開解她(girl power rocks!) 難得老媽青睞, 二話不說小的連忙打包郵寄, 雖然我知道她心底最想要的是只愛馬仕凱莉包 :P

小V過敏發作起來我十天半個月沒覺好睡家常便飯, 只能從零頭時間進行我的工作, 常忍不住想如果人生可以重來, 我還會選擇生孩子嗎? 以前全職時公司贊助數個慈善機構, St. Jude Children's Research Hospital是其中之ㄧ, 當年未婚的我按月將部份薪資捐款, 沒多想只覺醫學的重要性… 後來自己當了母親, 對孩童的大小新聞變得關注非常, 每讀著St. Jude希望之友季刊記錄某罹癌幼童與家人面對疾病的勇敢, 不愛哭的我連看到捐款手冊第ㄧ行For the healthy children in your life…都已淚如雨下… 只能時時勉勵自己, 異位性皮膚炎不算什麼, 我定要陪孩子克服.


母親節前夕, 有些話不吐不快:


家庭主婦是份全天候工作, 如果社會不能以專業角度看待家管, 我們離真正的女權還遠的很.


如果身為人妻人母的代價是要放棄自己的理想, 請不要訝異低落的結婚率生育率, 我們連人權都談不上.


母親不是聖人超人, 需要與父親同工同酬週休二日, 請放棄含莘茹苦忍辱負重教條式對母愛的歌功誦德, 我們從此不用慶祝母親節, 因為身心靈平衡的母親天天都快樂.


養兒育女是成年人的再教育, 有許多溫馨動人的小確幸, 以大局論勞心費力傷財任重而道遠, 絕非值得炫耀的功勳彪柄(我不得不說坊間暢銷書種'如何教出長春藤女孩男孩', '音樂神童的養成'等等難免予人錯覺) 請給知其難而仍為之的母親們多ㄧ點善意, 不管有沒有孩子我們都會漸漸老去… 維持社會結構平衡, 培養健全的下ㄧ代是必需, 無論個人選擇是什麼(結不結婚, 生不生子, 同性戀異性戀...) 仍然可以老吾老以及人之老, 幼吾幼以及人之幼. 孩童不是單ㄧ家庭的私產, 而是大環境文化的傳承.


如果有朝LK擁有自己的公司(嘿, 自言自語也罷, 還起勁說此等厚臉皮的大話. Oh, I have a dream!)  專長相符的前題下, 希望優先聘請媽媽職員並提供彈性工時, 在我心目中, 帶兩個孩子以上還能妥善安排時間保持心平氣和的母親, 可是高EQ潛力十足的管理人才!


因為大部份人無法瞭解其中的傷痛和沈重, 我們駝鳥的選擇不去探索觸碰… 家有罕見疾病孩童的母親們, 你們是真正的守護天使, 請加油!


ps. We Need to Talk About Kevin電影版還沒欣賞, 但實在喜歡Tilda Swinton, 這女子特立獨行, 浮華世界似乎與她毫無關係, 人和演繹皆充滿詩意的批判. 自從多年前看由Virginia Woolf名著改編, Sally Potter執導的Orlando, 便深深著迷Swinton對男變女的獨特詮釋.


pps. 我的網誌中文部份與英文部份向來非直譯, 而是各有奇趣, 但總有關聯. 這篇的英文卻是獨立的極短篇, 靈感來自於吾友MG在往事只堪哀A Rose Is A Rose Is A Rose的第二個留言. 我滿同意MG對電影The Iron Lady的憤慨, 鐵娘子何等人物來著? 豈能行'悔叫'自己'覓封侯'的窩囊事! 她生命的重心很顯然選擇了國事, 若說有任何悔恨, 也攸關某個行政決策錯誤, 不大可能偏執家庭親疏… 我對導演種種側寫無反感, 帶點柔性的鐵娘子並不損其威嚴. 強人弱者, 但凡人去日苦多, 對自己當年選擇避開的道路有所遐想其實頗真刻, 有運動家精神的笑看煙塵往事, 不多耽溺. 所謂後悔, 是現實中自己對理想中自己情緒化的辯爭, 如果後者本來就不存在, 自然就能實事求是安心度日.


A good critic doesn't make a good writer and a bad critic… who knows, might surprise so here's my attempt at a micro-fiction inspired by motherhood and my recent visit to the Mandarin Oriental Bangkok :)

There must have been twenty years since the last time she departed from this grand parlor in a rush.  The young Thai woman enrobed in black silk with gold trims came forward to greet her with a warm smile and adorned her left wrist with a leis made of jasmine and orchid.  Her eyes turned immediately toward her favorite spot, the bouquet fountain with water lilies… she was a fan, and still is.

Her luggages were lay perfectly as all other arrangements in the suite with a basket of exotic welcoming fruits when the butler opened the door... the same duplex in the same wing where she and her husband had their honeymoon.  She sat in the sunny study overlooking the Chao Praya River for a little and soon decided to take a walk.  She checked in during quiet hours to avoid the crowd and five o'clock in the afternoon with only the sound of warm breeze, for one moment she could be mistaken the only ghost of this colonial mansion.

Then she ventured into the Author's Lounge.  The white, the green, the leafy seatings filled with natural lights looked both fresh and familiar as if it was just yesterday, she stepped out to make an urgent phone call.  Stroking the arc of the peacock chair with her fingertips… the exact same setting where Maugham penned The Gentleman in the Parlor, she wrote:

I failed as a wife.

I failed as a mother.

Worst of all, I failed myself not knowing if I could ever recover.

Down and bleak.  No matter, it is over.  

It was over years ago when she made the flight booking in secrecy.  Today she came back with a dinner reservation incognito.  Her son, little Henry was an epicurean in the making; her husband used to joke about the boy with such affection.  Now, Henry is known as Chef Kha of the prestigious establishment.  She read about the rising culinary star on magazines and marveled at how strikingly handsome the very similar features looked on the young man when on herself, too sharp and too hard… The lamps lining the bank started to light up one by one.  The staff in white uniform came to inform her the boat to the other side of the river where the restaurant resided was ready for boarding.  She regretted wearing heels that make the teak floor squeak; the soft curse morphed into a breathless sigh.  She chose a bench at the end of the boat and pondered about the coming feast with squinting eyes toward the sinking vermillion sun.

'Famous designer and a well respected professor Lady K died of an acute upper airway obstruction while dining in the Three Michelin Starred restaurant last Sunday.  After police investigation, the illustrious young chef was released free of criminal charges.  The main cause for Lady K's unfortunate passing was determined a rare case of food allergies that she did not inform the restaurant staff when the dinner reservation was made.'