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Friday, March 30, 2018

懺悔 As***** Rating Self Exam

自我辯護缺乏學習價值, 不如認栽, 從錯誤檢討.  有好陣子忙似汗馬, 呆若木雞, 深覺超然, 工作歸工作, 生活還生活, 政治絕緣… 結果仍是逃避.  靈性的自己漸行漸遠, 實在懷念柔情洶湧千思萬緒的她.  現下的我, 理智如電腦, 唯一的糾結是為什麼無感糾結, 是否已失去屬於人類的情感?
The Blue Bottle craze at Minamiaoyama, Tokyo.

I was half way there, a certified arse… dismal prospect coming out from the assessment.  What made me so angry, cynical, and disillusioned?  Have I gazed long into the abyss and now it's becoming a part of me?!
生命啟示無處不在, 接二連三的校園槍擊案, 為人父母誰都要膽顫心驚.  小V已高過我, 聲音開始低沈, 彷彿才昨天, 他還是圍繞媽咪團團轉的小乖乖, 怎麼轉眼間要掙脫爸媽的懷抱了?  既欣慰又失落.
Liquid gold of Dassai sake; white as snow sake ice cream.

In 2017, I severed several ties including relations that I no longer found nourishment and renounced old habits detrimental to one's health.  In 2018, I strive for newness:  learning a new subject of study, a language, approaching matters with new methodology, getting to know a new friend and dare to do something different.   

策略某項企劃, 洞晰居心叵測, 敝公司國際分部, 從頭到尾沒願景主見堅持, 躲在安全線後敲邊鼓; 可想而知, 一旦企劃案受曙目, 卻絕對是同班人馬爭先恐後邀功, 與這等程度的傢伙共事, 真是侮辱.  企劃案當然有其指標性的意義, 不然我連參加的意願都沒有, 耐著性子安撫自己, 籌謀過程中, 學到新知方是拓展未來的鑰匙, 與其執著成敗, 不如好好運用契機抽空深造充電, 人生的資本首要健康, 次要學問.
One of my favorite wagashi maker, Higashiya.  Its manju outpost.

For the past few weeks, my to-dos seem to grow by the minute.  Instead of being mindfully intentional, I have exhausted myself attending to everyone's need and repressing my true feelings along the motion. Damn, damn, damn, damn.

我的新助理S是男生, 褐髪藍眼, 白裏透紅的雙頰, 似乎總微泛笑意.  大夥擠眉弄眼豎姆指:  'LK, 做得好啊!'  Tsk, 那是沒見過敝人當年盛況, 於舊品牌, 我手下全是男性, 領導羣雄才有趣呢!  年紀愈長, 對閨蜜類話題愈缺乏興趣, 誰誰誰美醜胖瘦關我屁事兒… 和男性相處反而自在的多, 但限有水準的男性, 還沒從#MeToo平權運動學乖的單細胞生物, 不可列入社交範圍.
Higashiya's Ginza flagship and tea salon.

Then I decided to reset.
My rambles often ended with drinking a cup of hot coffee.

Feet up, one click on the Inspector Lewis series, lid off the pint of La Loo's deep chocolate, drifting away in jealousies and revenges while replay my Christmas in Tokyo scene by scene.  Before a physical escape, one can at least manage a mental respite.

臨時起意赴東京過聖誕節, 事隔數月, 倒不知如何拾筆寫遊記… 深冬的東京寒意襲人, 樂此不疲的閒逛, 喝了許多熱茶咖啡, 搭配各式各樣和菓子洋點, 素描一頁接一頁的畫, 微笑回應為我畫而來搭訕的男女老幼… 懂欣賞, 是人生美好善意 :)
With a financier and some sketches to go with it.

I highly recommend everyone taking the ARSE.  Most of us complaint about being surrounded by many but only a few of us realize from time to time we also behave like one.

2 comments:

Echomiao said...

我對妳的 sketch book 頗有興趣 也很羨慕可以信手拈來的筆觸 當然表面的隨意其實是多年的根底 我旅行時也隨身攜帶畫本和迷你水彩盒 不過每次攤開頁面 就有種魔障覺得必須是 presentable 的作品 常常無法捕捉瞬間和當下 許多時候看到他人作品覺得技術面不難 但是難在採取行動的第一步

我很喜歡Kokkari 的氛圍和食物 每次必點碳烤章魚 這些年因為 Villa Taverna 也在 Jackson 街上 圖它方便就漸忘了Kokkari 下次再相約吧

Miss LK said...

地中海料理, 頗符合我目前飲食走向, Kokkari侍者, 時不時兩人ㄧ組, 扛著隻不知是烤羊還是烤牛犢巡邏... 碳烤章魚清甜有嚼感, 的確好吃! 期待下次聚餐 :)

我的畫向來敝帚自珍, 要不就是部落格上野人獻曝, 沒啥包袱. 兼且非完美主義者, 隨興提筆畫, 近年旅行愈發精簡, 就帶袖珍圖本和鋼筆白描, 唯ㄧ堅持是紙張質地紋理厚度需handbound, 存貨快用完, 若Echo今年會赴巴黎, 還得托你去某店替我捎幾本救急...

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