浮生若夢 Would I choose to be brave or be blind?

"My ultimate responsibility, is not to you, not to the president or the CEO but the customer who decides to purchase our design."_____  A statement that I said it in multiple forms, be it BBQ, sauteed or flambe.  Truth is something no one needs to lie about.  I said it with a solemn heart.  I do realize my blog has become an existential soliloquy… so be it.  As I strolled along the street of Ginza after my recent work trip to Asia, I wondered if it's a revelation or a lobotomy.  Matcha and mochi wrapped in oak leaves I ordered at Toraya - nothing a warm cup of tea and wagashi couldn't solve.

雖行色匆匆, 走到哪都有份隨意, 久違的新德里, 時差便早起靜待日出; 上海近年常去, 竟也巧遇安藤忠雄'挑戰'的姊妹展'引領'.  再赴胡志明市, 當然又砸兩百萬盾在Maison Marou Saigon囤黑巧克力; 返回灣區前東京渡週末, 吃到了春天的久兵衛和有趣的陌生食客聊人生聊美食聊我的畫. 

公事永恆身處春秋戰國, 早看得很淡很淡, 官階與金錢於我青春煥發的年代皆不俱誘惑, 到這年紀何苦刀俎魚肉晚節不保?  或許如此, 觀眾生平添幾分悲憫, 耳邊不時響起小時候常聽外婆播放的老歌:  人生何處不相逢, 相逢猶如在夢中… 人生本就是番風流夢, 誰在某個夢記起你, 在另個夢忘了我?  臨行前接到M的簡訊, 他將於臺北探親數天, 問我會不會剛好在… 突覺自己的多年老友皆很有趣, 我們總會不經意想起彼此, 期待不在期待中的重逢.  而上海正當清明後, 我嚼著芝麻餡的青糰, 傳照片給紐約的N, 字裏行間, 彷彿見著她泛梨窩的淺笑.

Middle management is a tough place to be.  Cutthroat SVPs whom after years in posh positions, forgot the quintessential beauty of original creation.  Proclaiming fluffs like innovation or paradigm shift does not equate standing behind a mission.  I joined the brand because I shared the vision and when the vision no longer exists, why am I still there for?  Wading through the thunderstorm flood in HCMC, I assessed who I really am with a detached amusement.

誰都想讓親愛的人心心念念的捧著, 沒人願被遺忘, 若心頭銘刻著的那個人偏偏輕描淡寫的忽略自己, 可有多苦澀. 

The lack of empathy is one characteristic of a sociopath.  The abundance of it paves the way for disasters.  I have always led teams and I trusted that each and every of my designers trusts in me that I have his/her best interests.  I have been thrown into numerous occasions where I would be the one left behind if I insisted not to leave someone behind.  I proudly stuck to my principles yet such kindness is not often reciprocated.  I stayed at the Puli in Shanghai this time.  The hotel and its guests were both too chichi for their own good.  The bamboo forest however proves to be an urban decor miracle… what else could mask a crouching tiger?

亦有嚴苛時刻, 見不得人趨炎附勢, 愣頭青起蠻勁大抵得罪人多, 想起武曌的宰相裴炎宿命的斬首, 說不說腦袋瓜子都保不住的.  婉拒赴菲律賓和泰國出差, 當地將領竟大興問罪之師飛抵灣區糾纏開會… 從物流至買家, 人人推我當擋箭牌, 正面思考是LK清譽在外, 擲地有金石聲, 悲觀想來, 不犧牲這特立獨行的傢伙犧牲誰?

My itinerary happened to coincide with the sister exhibition Leading at Shanghai's Pearl Museum to the Endeavors of Tadao Ando.  A blessing really, even though the scale was minuscule.  

'引領'展示規模小許多, 特色是地處安藤自己設計的明珠美術館.  卵型的新華書店商業氣息頗重, 創作是孤寂之道, 適合踽踽獨行.  陪我看展覽的是H老闆, 兜了圈昔時盟友再度成為今日合作夥伴, 我的性格直接, 偶爾不免自忖, 生意往來是否得保持看似熱絡實則冷漠的距離?  H老闆為人海派, 言語風趣, 身邊的異性有意也好無心也好, 處處撒嬌賣萌拍馬屁, 我從來不特別當自己是女性, 碰到這種現象, 以前的我要翻白眼兼嘔吐, 現在倒莞爾, 同情討生活的不易, 別自以為是批判他人, 也慶幸硬底子有硬底子的優點, 誰敢盼怪咖巧笑倩兮, 不挨罵且偷笑了. 

The eventful Sunday off in SH started with a visit to the Starbucks Reserve Roastery.  From farm to filter, from bean to coffee… one sees the life cycle of our modern recreational drug.  I honestly can't say which aspect I am more drawn to when it comes to enjoying my cup… the motive, intent, or aftermath :P

觀展前造訪規模宏偉的Starbucks Reserve Roastery Shanghai, 咖啡控的新天堂樂園, 開放式的環型場地, 黃銅棕木暖色調, 重疊的六角板, 巨碩的烘豆機和四通八達的輸送帶, 虹吸, 冷萃, 手沖… 各式各樣調煮器具, 川流不息的侍咖啡師, 空氣中浮動咖啡豆堅果香與音樂感, 漸漸人聲鼎沸, 中國的消費者不知幸或不幸, 直接進入後小資偽文青時代. 

April shower took the magnitude of a typhoon in Shanghai so I dined in the hotel more frequently than usual.  Its resident restaurant very gallery-esque and the presentation had an angular precision.

久兵衛的晚餐, 右邊坐著對韓裔俊男美女, 左邊是日籍型男熟女夫妻.  高大英俊的韓國帥哥馬上表明與美女是姊弟, 姊弟留學完皆返回首爾開創事業, 清麗的姊姊是資優皮膚科醫師, 弟弟揶揄老姊青春永駐秘訣是愛喝酒(!), 聊著聊著, 雲英未嫁的美女醫生問我如何兼顧事業家庭… 敝人處處捉襟見肘, 哪稱得上模範?  勉強撐到現在, 最該感謝LK先生支持體諒, 而當弟弟嗔怨住斧山的母親希望自己永遠別交女朋友, 我則安慰帥哥:  等更可愛的孫兒出生, 戀子狂母親就會轉移目標啦!  日本型男大叔對我快狠準筆法讚不絕口, 和檯前的壽司師傅並無不同, 手上功夫心頭刀, 都需要日復一日的修煉, 精益求精.  我現在的職務著重眼光, 並非技藝, 愛畫圖, 是功利外的癡情.  型叔的嬌美太太說著夫妻倆喜歡酒鄉Napa, 名酒如數家珍, 日本女性的好酒量果名不虛傳!  晚風中散步回飯店, 孤身旅行遇見有意思的人, 四海之內皆兄弟大抵如此. 

A promise to myself in 2017 that I carry onto 2018 - taking an inspirational detour either before or after my long haul work trip.  There's a term for it now - Bi-Leisure.  'Decompression' better suits the diagnosis.  When sinking my teeth onto the juicy yakitori kebab at the Ginza Six Food Hall counter, I felt a redemption, from farm to table type of clear conscience.

回到家, LK先生輪著出差, 赴上海談併購, 想著時差暈眩加倍.  品牌數項發表會接踵而至, 困境與壓力就像照妖鏡, 君子小人神佛精怪無所遁形… 頂頭上司指桑罵槐, 百般刁難, 不免心涼, 人生最好的年華全奉獻給前後兩個品牌, 終究是敵國破謀臣亡.  想開便啞然失笑… 以往算是夢, 人生本是個夢.

My favorite sabo in Tokyo has got to be the Higashiya.  I go there alone, spread my travelogue and draw.  I draw therefore I am.  I quit having afternoon tea with girlfriends for sometimes by now for most of the conversation topics bore me to death.  Husband bashing, kiddos' schooling, silly comparisons, royal wedding and fashion… I am a renegade and will always be one.

M從臺北探親歸來赴西雅圖協商S教授基金會事宜, 接到他電話, 正是老闆陰陽怪氣折磨得我想遞辭呈的低潮, 老朋友難得談心, 我忍著不抱怨厚黑, 耳邊聆聽M南國晚風般的嗓音, 爾雅的言語, 我滿腔悲憤似也慢慢釋懷… 這人真是濁世ㄧ股清流, 無論世道多艱難, 人性再晦闇, 我知道, 他永遠不亢不卑.  朋友的重要性, 總能出其不意, 開拓心胸視野, 釐晰渾沌, 讓自己重拾對人性一點展望.

Epilogue:  I was SLAVED away during the Shanghai section of my business trip while Mr.  LK had two bespoke trench coats made on the Bund when he traveled there for a potential merger immediately after I returned… how could that be fair?!  Oh, well... I did plunk down another two millions... dong at the Maison Marou Saigon for chocolat noir :P

我喜歡的老電影Tous Les Matins du Monde, 中文譯為'日出時讓悲傷終結':  匠氣過頭, 聰明反被聰明誤的徒兒始終沒獲得樂聖似的老師真心讚許… 然飽經名惑利誘, 政治壓迫, 生離死別, 琴藝超絕的師徒倆, 卻在故事的尾聲共躍悲哀的深淵, 面對面協奏起那闕殤墳曲, 鏗鏘沈鬱的弦樂, 悠悠自二十年前便緊叩我心至今, 亦是另類的老朋友吧 :)