母愛的理性與感性 Dr. Mercy and Mrs. Tigress Momzilla

最近讀了兩本書, 巧合的作者都姓蔡, 年紀相仿, 於所屬的領域成就非凡, 還分別擁有兩位優秀出色的女兒. 英文的那本是元月八號剛出版, 立刻因華爾街日報ㄧ篇有斷章取義之嫌的短文引起熱烈討論的Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, 作者是華裔美籍耶魯法學教授Dr. Amy Chua, 中文書則是生活家蔡穎卿(Bubu)女士的漫步生活: 我的女權領悟. 兩本書皆闡述作者於親子教養的理念, 也呈現各自執著的人生觀.


I was never into 'Self-Help' books until I became a mother... needing a lot of helps in the realm of motherhood.  Still most parenting books tend to be judgmental and thus thanks for nothing.  Reading the Wall Street Journal article Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior, I, a desperate Chinese mother of a rebellious five year old quickly fell into the marketing scheme and downloaded a digital copy of Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother by
Dr. Amy Chua looking for secrets to awake the crouching tigress in me.
Base on the author's illustrious career, her two amazingly gifted daughters, the controversial key phrases throughout the book, it would be difficult not to think of the book as a parental guide to prodigy.  After flipping through the virtual pages on ipad's touch screen anxiously, I found myself enjoying the book very much despite several familiar scenes filled my eyes with tears. Chua's abrasive sense of humor could be absurd but hilarious at the same time and the occasional perceptive excerpts written by the girls humbled the cold, callous pride of an adult. It was an unexpected journey full of reflections.

Mother&Daughter I.
或許是出版社的行銷手法, 華爾街日報對Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother的簡介嘩眾取寵, 節錄的片段讓人以為此書乃培養菁英兒童的東方秘笈, 而天才背後的推手則是力行斯巴達教育, 階級意識分明, 求榮譽不惜犧牲ㄧ切享樂的冷酷中國式母親… 也因這爭議性, 我下載原書至ipad仔細閱讀(瞧! 可不正中商家的詭計…) 讀著讀著欲罷不能, 若不是第二天要早起送小V上學, 大概熬夜ㄧ氣呵成讀完. 以聽故事的角度論, 作者行文簡潔充滿節奏感, 兩條主線(自身的移民背景和教育女兒的心路歷程)交織, 抑揚頓挫毫無冷場, 娛樂性豐富. Dr. Chua對自己的嚴酷全無情緒包袱, 時不時以尖銳的幽默自嘲. 這樣的鋪陳其實很西方, 很好萊塢… 反而是衝突過後的結局頓顯淡然, 全書到此處才有些許東方式的留白意味.


Although the Chinese Mother vs. Western Mother combat in Chua's book screams for attention, her unapologetic honesty in my opinion is actually very American. Recently I read another 'parenting related' book written in Chinese by a popular Taiwanese author Bubu whom shares the same family name as Chua, of the same generation and also raises two talented daughters.  Her book titled Slowly, Quickly is a harmonious display of mother and daughter collaboration in simple joys of life.  Perhaps Bubu's delightful writing will become more accessible to Western readers one day soon since the whole world is rushing to learn Mandarin Chinese because of China's promising economic outlooks?

Mother&Daughter II.
坊間ㄧ眾親子教養書籍令我駭然… 每個家庭不同, 每個孩子天資心性迥異, 長春藤名校不等於快樂的保證書, 更何況誰又到達蓋棺論功過的地步? 把親子教養當成廚藝示範, 操作電腦軟體, 甚至正妹化妝術等How to的暢銷書種來經營看待, 從作者,出版社,到讀者的心態都值得商確. 喜歡讀Bubu與她教養出兩位聰慧的女兒沒有直接關係, 欣賞的是她樂於工作實踐生活的態度. Bubu有位擅繪圖的小女兒Pony, 母親撰文, 女兒插畫, ㄧ篇篇俯拾生活意趣的小故事, 溫柔訴說生命中恆常的, 卻往往被漠視的理與禮.  雖然Bubu家三代親子關係和諧美好的幾乎夢幻, 在此不是針對Bubu女士, 而是基於我個人經歷(近似以上論及的Dr.Chua), 豆腐心的母親於我和弟弟的愛無庸至疑, 然她的刀子口和火爆脾氣卻在我年少的心留下ㄧ道道難抹滅的傷痕. 往好處看, 現在的我對外相當冷靜有韌性, 大抵得歸功鋼鐵般的母愛.  難控制是盤踞心頭的陳年舊傷, 不時如毒龍蠢動著欲飛離胸腔, 張牙向極度固執頑皮的吾兒小V咬噬… 這個時候Bubu的文字像清心普善咒, 讓我學習收放間的分寸. (夠了武俠迷LK, 退場!)


In the end, there is more than one way to responsible parenting. The only one who can rate a mother's performance is her child but what is the point of such rating anyway? Although my favorite activity nowadays is snuggling my five year old boy and watching Harry Potter movies together on weekend nights, when throwing tantrums, this little man cries piercingly like a mandrake, creates more disasters than Ron's wand, and can certainly be as mind boggling as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.  I would really love to hear fresh insights on how mother and son can get along other than Oedipus complex(the son blinded himself not from video gaming but from the guilt of marrying his own mother) or Electra(Orestes killed his mother Clytemnestra avenging for the father) that both sent chills up my spine...

Mother&Daughter III.
ps. Mother&Daughter I, II, III:  quick random ideations on paper while I composed this blog post in my head. I did not intend to portray any actual characters neither did these drawings contain profound metaphors.  以上草圖是我構思這篇網誌時的塗鴉, 沒有特別含意. 


風格如斯南轅北轍, Dr. Amy Chua和Bubu蔡穎卿女士有ㄧ項值得尊敬的共同點: 她們都忠於信念並以身作則.  說ㄧ套做ㄧ套雙重標準的代價是兒女的鄙視和不信任, 有許多父母自己日子過的亂七八糟, 卻滿口大道理要求兒女努力… 孩子心靈單純, 最易看透虛偽.   LK於motherhood悟性偏低, 吾兒小V已五歲, 我時不時仍手忙腳亂像個新手媽媽, 然半調子也有學藝不精的樂趣, 孩子給父母的珍貴禮物不就是生命中再次教育自己的機會嗎?


衍伸閱讀 Extended reading:


Wall Street Journal - Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior?
Battle Hymn of The Tiger Mother
蔡穎卿Bubu女士的部落格 A Mother's Diary
漫步生活 Slowly, Quickly: 我的女權領悟