上海念 READ! Shanghai

近來領悟, 自己存活於兩個世界.  一個我, 人生若只如初見, 悠悠盪漾於佛羅倫斯名畫春天前, 臨摹大師筆法, 研究著女神們光潔的髮絲肌膚, 如何透過薄如蟬翼的輕紗呼吸, 所有細節在一支筆一柄刀, 手腕的力道轉合.  另一個我天天通勤時時開會, 協商人事物力, 腦海跑著一頁接一頁的數據報表.  此趟商旅光是開頭的整合風波連連, 等到政治角力席捲, 我才幌然大悟前後發生什麼事.  仁者樂山, 智者樂水, 遇到困境, 老莊信徒如我, 直覺是走出去看世界! 於印度的行程申請半天自費往泰姬瑪哈朝聖, 興沖沖裁畫紙收拾畫具, 準備好好描繪世界奇景… 人算總不如天算, 風塵僕僕到達官陵, 才知道管理局不準人畫畫, 心死了大半, 此事容後再敍.

Shanghai is a beauty, very difficult to court and too savvy to be ignored.  I don’t like how she exudes the scent of fortune, likely due to my anemic wallet yet in a very rare occasion when she smiles with her chin tilted and eyes glanced sideways, I wish I have the gold to turn her head.  I really do.

There I was.  Two autumns after my last visit, Shanghai I embraced you and the sensation was most palpable this time around.  I think I finally shed my tourist’s skins.

失之東隅, 收之桑榆.  公司裁減商旅經費, 刪去香港行程, 我乾脆提早飛上海, 空出禮拜日蹓躂找靈感.  同在上海的H老闆盛情款待, 陪著我大街小巷跑整天, 常德公寓緬懷張愛玲喝著碧綠的'非常愛玲'調酒, 上海書城買張愛玲最新遺作'少帥'和王小波的'紅拂夜奔', 過足文青癮.  逛巨鹿路多倫路莫干山創意園區, 老中青海派文化一網打盡.  饕餮的重頭戲自然在於吃, 厚著臉皮讓H老闆設宴兩餐(我保證任職的每天都會盡心把關設計水準 :) 

Thanks to the hospitality of my vendor and a friend, the debonair Mr. H, I was able to explore local scenes, both on the culinary front and on the literati trail.  

The lyrical Sunday started with a quick stop at the Chairman Mao’s old residence.  Dude, nice calligraphy but what’s that twisted drive behind the Cultural Revolution?  Isn't Shanghai today embodied the bourgeois of the bourgeois?!  Then we visited the Edingburgh House, where my favorite writer in modern Chinese literature, Eileen Chang once lived and penned her most acclaimed fictions.  Chang's writing is an infinite garden of decaying roses where hearts are pierced and slowly buried by the thorns.  Enter at your own caution.  

福1088位於梧桐巷底的老式洋房, 描金牆紙, 拼花地板, 琉璃吊燈, 繡花窗簾, 點綴著慵懶靜謐的異世界, 彷彿推開門將見到幾位膚光勝雪妝容靚麗的旗袍美女抽水煙… H老闆為盡地主之誼, 三人飯局菜點的如流水席: 冰鎮醉雞, 微溫酥炸燻魚, 黏牙的溏心蛋和蟹粉, 手打魚圓清湯, 河蝦仁, 火腿豌豆… 極品屬魚頭粉皮和紅燒肉, 醬濃不膩, 層層疊疊的甜味風華萬千!  當H老闆與另位L小姐都停下筷子, 我還嚼個不停, 喫到地老天荒!  走出門午後陽光曬來, 腦筋登時空白, 吃頓飯倒像發了場南柯夢. 

Lunch at 1088

A feast it was.  The quaint mansion was tucked away in sycamore tree lined alley.  Behind the doors a lost era awaited where the city's hustle and bustle were filtered by the embroidered curtains and absorbed into the cabriole furnitures.  The essence of Shanghai cuisine is caramelization, the pairing of the seasoned and the fresh, and intricate procedure yielding the purest flavors.  One of the cuisine's signature, the more commonly known braised pork belly rides between the savory and the sweet and depending on the presentation, it could be the ultimate comfort food or the epitome of luxe treat.  Knowing the day must proceed since there's my host and a fellow guest, I had to speed up my indulgent slowness.  I wish I could savor with more focus, whiff the very scent in the air, dwell on each morsel and ponder the afternoon away.  Next time, perhaps.

晚餐是大閘蟹宴.  新光酒家的所在有些龍蛇混雜, 短短走了幾個巷口, 身後似乎總有人拖長聲音咳痰吐痰, 害我高度緊戒, 深怕被流彈波及.  樓梯高高低低, 餐室極窄, 我們的兩人桌位於牆角, 正對冷氣機, 平舖雪白桌巾和晶亮的瓷碟瓷碗, 別有番在地風情.  菜色頗工整: 清甜醉蟹, 清蒸蟹鉗, 清炒蟹柳, 蟹膏燴粉皮, 個頭小巧精緻的蟹肉餛飩, 結尾之作是各ㄧ隻清蒸全蟹, 末了斟上杯熱熱的薑茶.  吃蟹我習慣慢條斯理的拆卸, 委屈人高馬大的H老闆久坐.  大閘蟹是種非常性感的食物, 肉鮮甜膏粉濃稠, 薑醋挑逗味蕾, 吃大閘蟹的吃相卻絕對不性感, 除非叫那款廚娘替你事先拆好的, 所以適合與熟朋友共享免得嚇人.  經此蟹宴, H老闆與我杯盤狼藉間另類結盟, 話匣漸開, 有時如前輩對後生的提點, 更多時透露他自己內心世界和情緒折衝.  我向來欣賞H老闆眼光精準作風海派, 隱隱亦覺得他心防重脾氣陰晴不定, 現在才明白矛盾背後原由, 可見看似瀟灑的人也不見得活得隨心所欲.  我想H老闆的困境是要如何擺脫羈絆, 找出自已核心價值.  我的難題乃界定使命感, 轉事業為志業.  小巫相見大巫, H老闆擁有的資源其實比他想像來的多, 而我的最佳籌碼即是自己的能力和態度.

Hairy Crab Dinner

A feast it was, encore.  Shanghai and crab, what's up with these two?  I wrote about my Armaggedon on another crab feast(yes, in Shanghai!) nearly five years ago.  My former encounter had an ambitious undertone, more like the young Alexander the Great about to sail.  While my recent hairy crab rendezvous, the world remained unconquered and I sought a new meaning to we are what we eat :)  Both the tender mitten and the lavish roe have a very delicate taste, it is meant to tease and tickle the most sensitive neuron of the palate, never to satiate an appetite.  I often chuckled when I see tourists stunned themselves OTT, not knowing when to stop only because they have the dough.  Thankfully my partner in crime for the feast Mr. H was more of my tribe.  When dissecting these priced creatures, we also embarked on a quasi philosophical dissertation on career and life.

此趟少年時友伴S攜著太太和我見面, 這對夫妻可愛至極, 看著心情大佳.  S回味童年趣事, 我們互指哈哈大笑, 默契無可替代, 有著一雙大眼睛的S太太輕碰丈夫蓄鬍的下頷, 老夫老妻的甜蜜閃得我要戴墨鏡 :) S這人集豪邁文雅於一身, 而且感情敏銳, 相約下次來上海, 邀我到長春藤連盟的校友會演講.  慶幸我當年幾位投契的異性朋友都很有智慧娶了賢妻, 我們的友情才能持續至今. 女性心思纖細敏感複雜, 相較之下我更喜歡男性的直接和不拘小節.  人本來就有各種層面的情感, 要專注一個人身上得到完完全全的滿足是苛求, 同樣的, 另一半的角色愈多元化, 既可是情人親人, 又志趣相投, 婚姻的視野則寬廣許多.

離開上海前夕,  半夜下起大雨吵得人醒.  真正簾外雨潺潺, 夢裏不知身是客.  失眠的我, 窩在被子裏枕臂反覆思考:  自己到底快不快樂?  索性開啟itune音樂, 讓Maria Callas高亢的世紀之音迴蕩在五十一層樓高的房間裏:

Un bel di, vedremo

levasi un fil de fumo

sull'estremo confin de mare.

E poi la nave apare…

我的人生是連串的選擇題, 沒有想不想, 只有應不應該, 某些快樂立足於縱情任性, 我總是選擇對得起自己的原則, 至於那個忠於感覺的另一個我, 只能把她留在Uffizi Gallery, La Primavera畫前, 有天我將與她重逢. 

張愛玲寫小說的初衷未必想給人讀, 她是那樣的才女, 不可能對手帕交叨唸這男人怎樣怎樣負心, 向心理醫師訴說母親對自己的冷漠刻薄, 或者賞胡蘭成兩巴掌教她那風流的男人管理好自己的下半身, 撂下'不然我閹了你'之類的狠話… 她只能寫, 感官極致的寫.  她的戀情本質與凡夫我輩並無差異, 皆是人性基本需求:  愛和被愛. 傾國傾城是她的文筆.  情感的的確確有無數灰色地帶, 對少根筋的人來說婚姻已是最高上限till death do us part, 有靈性若張愛玲, 焚盡的沈香屑, 微溫的剎那是惆悵.  放涼的茉莉香片, 再入口已惘然.  我們瞧著牆上的蚊子血記起心頭的朱砂痣, 我們困惑床前明月光何時變成了飯粒白, 文學終極功能於昇華心性.

而付予我們'金鎖記', '傾城之戀', '半生緣'…的你, 如斯純粹, 太過較真… 人生得適時裝傻, 給他人留餘地, 最重要放過自己.

With recent changes in the political climate at work, my endearing Professor S' passing, my perpetual bachelor brother getting married(that I must say, cast a light of hope on 'man'kind :), I struggle to find footing in the shifting sand as if a part of me is dying while another part of me is waiting to be born.  I was able to read myself through in new lights when I am extracted from the comforts of domestic orbit.  A simple answer to all convoluted questions is me.