她慢慢帶走沈默 Rendezvous in NYC 3. Muse Runs When You Look Away

Not sure how that ritual inaugurated, having breakfast at the Balthazar in SOHO is quintessential NYC for me.  The line for the Thanksgiving brunch was too long so my friend C and I went to its younger, hipper sister branch Lafayette instead for coffee and canele. 

這些年忙著生活反倒忘記如何好好活, 此番偽單身的小旅行開啟檢視內心世界的契機.

我對老派禮數傾心, 譬如, 上樓梯女士先, 下樓梯男仕前, 她失足他接住.  譬如, 水煮蛋盛在骨瓷杯裏, 延著杯緣往上輕輕敲, 以小銀匙勺… 那是蘇活區的Balthazar, 屬於紐約回憶的早餐儀式.

As for the Thanksgiving Feast, our friend A started planning the menu more than a month ago, a different theme every year.  Just looking at her choice for the menu cover, you guessed it - Swedish for 2015!  A is a fan of Ingmar Bergman.  For the record, I only saw Wild Strawberries(and fell into a slumber thirty minutes into the movie at my cousin's place) and Fanny and Alexander(miraculously I sat through the entire epic and actually enjoyed the story telling very much at the Harvard Square) years ago.  

譬如, 我永遠心儀你的體貼.  多年不見, 那天你給我那麼深那麼長那麼緊的擁抱, 因為準備感恩節大餐, 身為主廚的你忙的滿身汗, 抱我前特別先沖澡.  這麼多年後我還有此榮幸, 像小粉絲般並肩而立擔任你的二廚, 你俐落的將蒔蘿燻鮭魚切薄片, 修長的手指拈著魚片遞我舌尖, 試味道.  派對中你知道我酒量淺, 替我開瓶洋梨口味的淡酒, 倒滿高腳杯塞在我手心, 隨時注意我夠不夠喝, 會不會醉.  幾位好朋友聚餐, 你總是坐我身邊, 細心聽我說話, 我看你看得入神, 你偶爾靦覥, 微笑歛目迴避.  最要命那天去Yakiniku Futago吃燒肉, 我們幾個姗姗來遲, 踏進門看見高高的你全身黑衣立在吧檯前低頭沈思, 還是那麼帥那麼準時, 我的心跳, 真的漏了一拍.  對異性, 我從不撒嬌, 對你, 則無妨.  當C說你或許要陪我逛Belstaff旗艦店, 我洩氣的心涼半截, 因為那類型的衣服穿你身上比我穿要好看百倍, 千倍!

與其說, 你為什麼不是男人?  不如問自己, 我為什麼不能喜歡女人?

Yes, A is a polymath and she made every dish from scratch including curing salmon for the Gravlax, the smoked herring mousse, all pickled crudites… and still managed to look charming at the party!  I had the honor of being her plating stylist sous chef for the evening.  Knowing her caliber, my knife holding hand was shaking with each cutting I made.  Ah, the tricks that life plays… there's always that person who does everything better than you do.

A是我大學年代的偶像, 那時她在麻省理工讀建築, 高個子,短頭髮,學院派穿著, 站在理工科資優生羣中, 偏帶三分不羈.  她學術造詣深厚, 廚藝絕佳, 非十人晚宴別擾她大小姐, 拿手菜是八寶鴨糯米飯.  我做好首份履歷表和portfolio便恭敬上奉請A批評指教, 直率的她建議犀利, 我邊聽卻邊恍神, 腦細胞掙扎著說服自己: 我只是單純的仰慕, 絕無其他可能性.  A並不是男人婆, 某年感恩節大夥盛裝赴宴城中某著名餐廳, A一襲低胸無袖LBD, 高䠷白晳知性嫵媚, 唉! 在座其他女生就真的只是女學生.  多年來歲月流金, A我行我素始終如謎.  在情感的領域裏, 捍衛道德潰不成軍, 沒有人能控制要愛誰或不要愛誰, 甚至是性別.  愛的唯ㄧ規範是, 如果令你怦然心動的人會為你的心動困擾, 那這份心動只能深深埋藏, 這是老派的風度.

How would you rate my artistry?

We had five rounds and by the time the mouth watering venison stew was served, I had enough food to go into hibernation for the rest of winter.

星期天早晨來到清幽的上東城, 我與名畫The Woman in Gold也有場老派的約會.  好整以暇在Cafe Sabarsky喝茶等待… 整面牆的銅鏡, 暈黃的水晶吊燈, 紅底黃玫瑰圖案的絲絨沙發, 門邊倚著歷史名琴, 窗前佇立懷舊的烏木衣架和報紙夾, 白襯衫黑背心的侍者手端銀托盤穿梭.  古典餐室空不許久便人聲鼎沸, 半是上東城退休銀髮夫妻, 半是我這般慕名而來附庸風雅的遊客, 有些情調天成, 學不得, 一旦學便俗了.   The Woman in Gold的淒涼傳奇曾拍電影, 那幅靡金霏彩的畫, 風華絕代的高懸Neue Galerie二樓正廳.  觀賞真蹟的悸動無可替代, 是悠悠微光浸潤, 細緻筆法描繪, 繁艷和失落, 冤孽與遺忘.  館內不容攝影, 我取出袖珍筆記本開始鋼筆素描.  臨摹名畫是美術科入門課, 當學生早是上個世紀的營生, 為何至今仍保持這習慣呢?  我鍾愛以手路摸索心緒, 難得的靠自己很近很近.  等抽離這心境才發覺, 來參觀名畫的人十分有雅量, 往上看名畫也往下看拙作, 怕擋住我視線, 人群如紅海中分, 趕緊收筆起身往三樓的展覽繼續逛.

Sunday 11.29.15

Neue Galerie

I had a date with Adele Bloch-Bauer:  The Woman in Gold and one must not be late.  Anxiously I waited at Cafe Sabarsky.  Every object that I caressed with my eyes, from the brooding banquettes to the opulent chandelier, celebrates the nostalgic elegance and pride.

Photography was not allowed so my pen and sketchbook came to rescue.  The viewing brought back memories from college and the perplexed emotions from studying Gustav Klimt and Egon Schiele in the art history.  Both Austrian masters depicted women with aching sensibility and sexuality(opium tranced in the former, nightmarishly transgressed in the later).     

賞析美術館甚少呼朋引伴, 常渾然忘我, 忘了今夕何夕, 那天亦不例外.  眼看和C與A在西村Baker&Co.的午餐怎麼也趕不及, 打電話低聲賠不是, C最豁達大方, 還讚我The Woman in Gold素描漂亮, 對我的迷糊司空見慣.  突然接到N簡訊, 問我當天計劃可有變更, 希望我回舊金山前能再見一面, 歸期將屆, 下回聚首不知何時, 大家心有靈犀依依不捨起來.  晚餐前N決定帶我到近年時尚的Williamsburg遊玩, 沒想到如斯方便, 從聯合廣場搭地鐵二十分鐘即至, 風格小舖林立, 家俱店擺設像藝廊, 人潮偏年輕新貴, 這是個滿溢活力主見但不乏衝突的世代.  天色漸暗, 我們走進地標性的Wythe Hotel, 到那可將對岸曼哈頓璀燦燈景盡收眼底的酒吧坐下.  N的存在讓我安心, 她慢條斯理, 語音輕柔, 這就是老朋友吧! 不用多說話, 可以閒伴午后, 偶爾交換眼神微笑已滿足.  她侃侃而談為什麼放棄人人稱羨的高薪和優勢, 向外獨立創業.  我當然懂, 我們都只活一次, 並非人人都有本錢活得忠於自己.  從大學開始, N比誰都努力執著, 不懈的精益求精, 凝視著N便明瞭這世上只有心智不堅, 缺乏毅力的種種藉口, 沒有懷才不遇這件事.  於N, 我深深欣賞且祝福, 此時此刻, 意識換自己扮演解語花的角色了… 友情的立足點, 時間距離皆不是問題, 只要知道這個世界上有人懂你, 會為你的成功由衷慶幸, 當你挫折的時候, 具相當智慧捨卻不著邊際的安慰和批判, 靜靜的擁抱你.  踏出Wythe Hotel, 畢竟是冬天寒風吹得我們直呼冷!!!  N伸手握住我手微笑:  說我怕冷, 你的手比我更冰! 頓覺穿越時空回到二十年前校園初見, 我們都還是當年那兩個大女生.  老朋友, 謝謝你!

photo credit:  Wythe Hotel

N took me for an excursion to the trendy Williamsburg.  The subway ride from Union Square was less than twenty minutes!  The neighborhood screams gentrification and its urbanites look like featured stories from the Kinfolk magazine, the East Coast edition.  We went for Bloody Mary and Shirley Temple(yes, it's for me) at the landmark Wythe Hotel.  The waterfront view at the bar was spectacular in November dusk.  N and I knew each other from college… to all the girls I've loved before and still loving you all :)