語言和公約數 Las Palabras de Amor

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”

_____ Mark Twain

I executed a corporate order on the Friday post Valentine.  It hurt deeply on multiple facets.  I found solace within a lovely bouquet arranged by the boys.  Mr. LK picked me camellia blossoms from our backyard and Little V drew me the sweetest note.  Still, not sure how I am ever going to get over this, perhaps only time will tell.  I wish I could spare you the pain, the confusion yet I failed miserably, as a leader of the team.  I am sorry beyond words.

情人節當天公司舉辦派對分豬肉似的頒獎, 頂頭上司進我辦公室低聲說這次你來我無需在場, 而後人事部召我密談, 隔天我排除所有人類的情緒情感, 裁去團隊共事四年的年青設計師莎拉.
While hibernating in Tokyo year end of 2018, Mr. LK brought me delicate presents for my coffee time, tea time and dessert time where high concepts such as love was materialized in everyday thoughtfulness.

燎原的憤怒與徬徨, 沒有出口沒有走向… 唐吉訶德舉茅刺向資本主義的風車.  真正絕望的是, 所有激烈的背後, 一片荒蕪.

Strolling Ginza, I stumbled upon a tiny florist with tea parlor in the attic.  Serenity of the ikebana and the friendly staff was soul nourishing.

褐髪藍眼的莎拉漲紅臉忍淚直視我, 委屈中有份輕蔑, 是鄙視我的無能吧?  有預感, 她不會再聯絡, 自此殊途.

It's also time for some self love.  Not only I ordered bespoke notebooks for my team, I made me six couture journals from deciding the leaflet paper, to choosing colors for the hard cover and binding method, to metallic letterpress font options… at the Itoya.  2019 will be the year to write, to draw until my heart bleeds.

頂頭上司下星期放滑雪假, 留我善後面對質詢, 行前巧笑倩兮說要你知道你有我全力支持… 十分狼狽為奸, 畢竟一向自命清高的LK也髒了手殺了人哪… 我充斥著苟活太久的倦怠, 沈默自矜:  他朝君體亦相同.

Before the business segment started, I spent a Sunday on my own expense in Shanghai.  I have more acquaintance in the city to be dining alone but more and more in this capitalist metropolis, I find solitude suiting more than ever.  

在工作室不僅不能哭, 還得滿口仁義道德向其餘團隊成員闡述企業立場.  從來沒有這麼討厭自己過, 我一夫當關, 我千夫所指… 不上不下, 不神不俗, 沈浮庸碌合理的公約數, 此謂煉獄.

Dinner by the window at Le Comptoir de Pierre Gagnaire was reflective.  The last time I tasted Chef Gagnaire's cuisine was May 2011.  I was strained in Paris await to board the next flight available after my father's sudden passing.      

仍深信愛, 愈虛幻的概念愈需要現實的支撐點, 所以珍惜心意:  愛我請為我歌頌, 不可以忘記我的生日, 尤其情人節, 絕對要獻上花束.  LK先生採剪後院盛開的山茶, 小V寫卡片, 共同的女壹號心滿意足 :)

At work, people tend to throw around terms like 'taste level' unceremoniously.  Without integrity, the mere gesture of good taste leads to distasteful actions.  In the end, I didn't dine alone at Le Comptoir - it's was a reunion with Dad.

艱難時期更要愛自己, 在東京過節巧遇一爿小小花坊兼茶屋名'野之花'.  店主是好溫暖友善的老婆婆, 茶盤擺設初摘的鮮花; 侍者是好可愛的小姑娘, 打工的藝術系學生, 仰慕的看著我畫畫.  在那鬧中取靜的閣樓喝茶歇腿, 療癒受傷的心靈.

I am getting exhausted of the ostentatious business 'courting'.  Why can't we just cut all BS and get to the substance?! I am very ready to take my final bow and exit the stage.  

銀座的伊東屋是多年老友, 今年客製筆記本相贈團隊, 也量身訂做全年份量自用.  LK物慾低, 衣著仍是二十年前的絲衫毛裙丹寧長褲皮手套, 大而化之的不像女人.  紙筆除外, 挑挑撿撿吹毛求疵, 質感重量觸覺, 缺一不可… 欸, 我真正的靈魂伴侶從來不是人 :P

Graciousness won't go unnoticed.  Received a Liforme yoga mat from my vendor and my friend, Mr. H.  Impeccable grip and weight - if I carry it crucifix fashion, it might just double as resistance training.  I must prioritize health in the midst of chaos.  

之前上海商旅但悟:  所有人際關係, 朋友也好, 生意夥伴也罷, 情人愛人都要得, 思想若不能同步, 單向的往來容易踩空, 根本無論誰對誰錯, 要有擔當和自省.  嚴冬中在建業里Le Comptoir de Pierre Gagnaire晚餐餘韻嬝嬝, 上回品嚐這位廚師的料理於2011年的巴黎, 我父親驟逝… 這次選訂窗邊雅座, 紙筆為伴, 思親的懷念, 對影成三人.  爸爸, 我很堅強過得很充實.

Christmas present from my team, artsy and functional.  The team will never be the same without a very special person…

為免重蹈每每廠商請客華而不實覆輒, 我跋扈指定本幫菜'上只角', 與餐僅四人:  心善嘴壞的H老闆, 新銳自強的N廠商, 千嬌百媚的M總監, 不合時宜的LK.  四人的國語皆字正腔圓, 年紀差異亦不足跨越世代, 然剝離職場客套, 其實各自說著截然不同的語言.  H老闆和M總監同樣心防重, 同樣過份依賴異性緣艷事冉冉, 頻率相近的兩人在當前商業環境, 倒是彼此最佳拍檔.  我曾經惺惺相惜N廠商, 近幾次會面卻隱隱感受成功往往是腐化的開始, 淡泊自持不易.  這頓飯吃得並不寂寞, 反而深覺有趣, 成熟從不高貴, 乃人生必經.

Happy Galentine!  A belated birthday celebration for Dr. C at Nico.

開春心事重重, 只能以鈍性保護精神健康, 追逐小確幸.  設宴Nico賀Dr. C芳辰, 料理味道清雅, 食材混搭清新, 無聲勝有聲是默契.  Dr. A來舊金山出席醫學會, 暴雨天表姐弟相擁到人擠人的Marlowe大啖烤雞, 吮指煎豬排, 侃侃聊著經典老電影, 我們都愛死保羅紐曼和費雯麗!  生活偶有靈光乍現的刹那, 就夠了 :)  

To ease myself through the challenging transition, I am afraid I will have to take 'comfort food' rather literally for many months to come. 

寒假於東京攝得ㄧ幅光禿禿的冬樹, 頗合目前心境. 

侘寂:

人生 無常

罣礙 苦

是非 空 

Yearning for spring… until then.