舊愛 Hrabal And Hannibal

Found another book in my garage(where're the skeletons?) which I started reading years ago and closed the final chapter with dignity last Sunday in one sitting, Too Loud A Solitude by Bohumil Hrabal.  Over a decade, the story of Hanta, the bibliophile, marinated to perfection for my palate or for it, I properly aged.  

兩者風馬牛不相及, 卻於敝人腦海過招, 愛誰更多些?  Dr. Lecter前有Anthony Hopkins睿智冰藍雙眸後有肌肉型男Mads Mikkelsen背書, 食色性也略勝一籌?  孰不知讀舊書的午后, 一氣呵成Too Loud A Solitude, 末頁喝得醉醺醺的怪老頭Hanta替自己舖好碎紙墓穴, 按下千斤頂壓床綠色鈕, 他眼前浮現曾親手綰的風箏和莫名失蹤枉死的吉普塞戀人…

驀然間洪嘯來襲, 我心頭一角開始崩壞坍塌潰堤, 那是愛書人才懂的悲傷.

A true bibliophile gets solitude. In the serene stillness where the reserved no longer feels the reservation and the thinker unleashes a neurological symphony.  We become the ventriloquist's puppet of the great thinkers before us.

Eggy breakfast on the right and a bowlful of abundance on the left.

愛讀閒書不愛讀正經書, 高中之前LK成績十分普通, 常被同儕揶揄:  這麼愛看書, 怎不見LK名列前矛呢?  現下回想, 兒童心思粗淺, 霸凌或被霸凌皆不自知.  年歲愈長天真漸失, 習得處世良方 - 讀正經書虛應丑卯掄元, 便可自由自在續讀閒書(!) 校園生涯, 即使未來充滿㥬惶, 求學求知仍是人生風華盛景.

Being a bona-fide Fannibal, I acquired the Feeding Hannibal cookbook for some culinary tips.  While I am no vegetarian nor pescatarian, I DON'T do cannibalism.  NOPE, any form of power play to the degree of exploitation is disgusting.  This cookbook by the famed TV series' food stylist, Janice Poon was exquisitely composed with a right pinch of humor.

Chicken rice congee to start the day.  Apple slices and jam toasts for a mid-day break.

化長途通勤為閱讀乃SIP+WFH大收穫, 炎夏週末斟杯薄荷冰飲, 枕書沈陷沙發, 眺望藍天和攀爬籬笆蔓藤紫花, 鳥啾蟲鳴, 好書好茶加LK先生的PTT搥肩和小V娛親熊抱, 我大可宅至地老天荒.  亦著迷關閉中的博物館為爭取群眾另闢蹊徑種種項目, 如The Frick Collection:  Cocktails with A Curator.  古典收藏如JMW Turner的港灣和Whistler的肖像本已深愛; 當年負笈紐約, 學業受挫或失落愛戀時, 從不呼朋引伴訴苦, 我總是搭公車由格林威治村來到Frick, 入場在噴水池中庭靜坐一晌, 深深呼吸幅幅名畫詩般百憂解.  回想當年的我, 實在非常非常寂寞, 然思緒清晰早熟, 完全明白選擇不寂寞的生活方式, 自己將付出的巨額代價, 人情終究會辜負, 永不背叛的是學問.

A generous amount of behind the scene photos featuring my biggest celebrity crush, Mads Mikkelson serves quite a delicious feast for the eyes, too.  Then I binged all three seasons.  Mr. LK:  Now what?  After reading the recipe, you need video tutorial?!

Asian style of plate setting is minimalism flirts with functionality.

OR a do-si-do of enameled spoon and bamboo tongs.

How about the Right Triangle getting in bed with Sectio Divina?  

無論觀賞過幾次, Hannibal末季結局仍驚心動魄.  此劇循環人物不多, 個個貫徹始終刻劃深邃 .  第三季後半段Will與Dr. Du Maurier進行心理治療, 她點明Will與Hannibal之間冤孽, 口氣不具批判, 沈緩催眠.  Will絕頂聰明, 要由另一位聰明的局外人(Dr. DM愛戀局外, 卻是生死攸關的局內人)來揭開最後面紗頗弔詭, 而後懸崖峭壁血腥屠龍記, 發揮愛情本質痛苦極致.  當然, Hannibal百看不厭並非LK對形而上愛情多麼感同深受, 完全是著迷兩位對味大帥哥Mads Mikkelsen和Richard Armitage出演的膚淺理由哪!

I love how the series define and redefine the concept of friendship without sexuality.  Owing to a recent somewhat baffling incident, I started to re-examine relationships in my life as well as internal vs. external self-awareness.  People come and go, evolve and transform… no one could be on your team from beginning to the end, not even oneself.  Sometimes, the epiphany of ending a friendship reveals itself rather cavalierly.  If grief is a process to explore the meaning of an ending, shouldn't I lament for the loss of a friend?  

With imagination, leftovers make serendipitous meals.

Take two.

Take three.

近幾個月重要任務乃替已故恩師S教授策劃紀念童書, 慈善基金會諸位理事才能眼界皆佳, 祖母級的寶拉為業界極成功的設計師, 真不知她如何面面俱到, 溫暖靈性.  同為校友兼機械工程講師和創業家的辛緹亞, 思路清晰完全不受情緒干擾, 他人仍墜五里霧, 超人辛緹亞已切中問題核心救火!!! 每遇年長於我的同性標竿良範, LK便滿溢孺慕, 多少有些童年陰影.  我極受外公外婆寵愛, 母親卻不待見LK早熟的敏感, 明知女兒獨立愛讀書, 母親偏要打壓, 洗腦花枝招展嫁經濟實力雄厚的丈夫為正道, 童年至青少年, 我恨透美麗且自戀的母親, 而立後何謂家族我開始較深的認知, 外公外婆清貧, 比母親容貌更加出色的外婆選擇愛情, 然生活窘迫, 身為六兄弟姐妹之長的母親理應早早出嫁援助家境, 外公外婆明逼暗迫美貌的長女嫁我父親 - 當年金飯碗的外科醫生... 這安排對傲氣女子該是多大的折辱?  所以母親不懂如何與我相處甚至從未贏取女兒對母親應有的尊敬.  命運於母女情仇其實網開一面, 父親逝世多年後, 母親重逢初戀情人, 雖然遲, 愛情終究來臨.  我為她深深慶幸, 她也開始尊重我的愛書和特立獨行  

I felt nothing.  The moment I saw it through that my years of support was no longer reciprocated with respect, it ended in absolute clarity, quick and clean.  I was more apologetic and intrigued by the fact that I did not exhibit conventional human emotions.

Husband and wife at home coffee date.

Inspired by Hannibal's sanguinaccio dolce, I made matchanaccio con lampone :)

基金會紐約的出版顧問CK是修法國文學的韓裔帥哥, 原來我收藏某本童書便是以CK古靈精怪的女兒為主角(!) 倒想起充滿父愛的童年往事:  父親為外科國手, 全盛期替諸位明星修整動刀, 弟弟與我不經雕琢的天然高鼻, 讓他引以為傲作為手術範本 :) 慘綠少年時總埋怨父母不睦造成心靈創傷, 現在的LK能正視並感謝父親母親相予的禮物, 他倆貌合神離的婚姻教會我:  相信愛, 別沈溺愛情.  父親獨特的審美觀, 令不修邊幅的我對容貌竟能奇怪的自信; 母親的挑剔, 讓我謙虛加顫顫競競, 求知若渴… accendental parenting? 

Decades ago the same little girl cooked a baby crab on top of her task lamp and dissected a goldfish in her Barbie swimming pool with a scalpel stolen from her surgeon dad… I thank all the books I burrowed into throughout my lonesome childhood and adolescence.  From Totem and Taboo, I learned the fear for incest or for being raped actually signaled my highly developed self-preservation intelligence and my proclivity toward savagery a subconscious yearning for strength as a vulnerable child.  Books helped me to make senses of chaos therefore saved me from self-destruction.  I grew up to love animals(especially fat kitties and baby pandas) and am very fond of children.  Thank you, Sigmund Freud, thank you, Ryunosuke Akutagawa… :) 

ps.  Mr. LK:  Am I the last bride of Bluebeard?!