還願於刀光筆影間 Of Knife and Pen

兒時的我有兩個志向: 畫畫與寫作. 後來入設計ㄧ行前者已償, 雖無大成就, 安身立命從不是問題, 當年LK媽擔憂女兒學藝術會餓死街頭算是白擔心了. 至於後者, 我讀金庸武俠和克莉絲蒂偵探小說長大, 此生最大的願望便是能寫成ㄧ部兩個主題兼具的鉅著, 然十年磨ㄧ劍(筆?), 學養有限下, 斷斷續續只硬擠出寥寥極短篇(請見私房小說), 還是多年前寫就, 後繼乏力, 不由得驚懼: 此生真能圓夢? 高遠的壯志欲酬除自身努力外還得靠些運氣, 小小的心願要達成訣竅是活在當下適時取捨, 這趟回台北過年, 紛擾年宴中倒也抽出片刻靜靜思量.


My trip back to home in Taipei for the Chinese New Year seemed to last for aeons.  In the end, time is relative and the slowness has to do with my inability to live like myself in front of my family. Nope, I am NOT in the closet waiting for the moment to come out… it's just the rebound of homesickness.  Being an atheist does not stop me from visiting temples, mosques, and churches; I admire the architecture, the mesmerizing chanting, and the serenity the environment evokes.  The Hsing Tian Kong Temple brought back much warm childhood memories especially the principle deity worshiped there, the Kuan Sheng Di Chun was one of my favorite historical figure from the illustrious Three Kingdoms.

願望ㄧ. 我不信教, 但從小跟著長輩們

拜拜求平安, 禮敬神明後, 外婆姨舅總會賞嘴饞的我ㄧ碟桂圓米糕吃, 那記憶是無憂而溫暖的. 去年飽經世事, 對宗教有了深刻的感觸, 冬夜來到香火鼎盛的行天宮, 青煙裊裊雕樑飛簷, 披霞描金的關帝君像莊嚴祥和, 人羣中張張虔誠面孔… 此情此景如斯美麗, 拈著香, 我早忘卻要祈求什麼了… 願年年歲歲如今日懂得珍惜莫忘感恩.


We also planned a family vacation in the legendary Sun Moon Lake.  The view from the lakeside lodge was ethereal.  Thanks to the fresh air and hot spring water, little V's atopic dermatitis miraculously cleared up while we were there.  Now we know our son was not just ultra sensitive, he was the perfect green warrior :)

願望二. 幾年來周遊列國, 對自己故鄉的景色卻陌生, 此次旅行決定重遊童年時和爸爸媽媽曾造訪的日月潭, 氤氳的湖光山色比回憶裏還要動人, 待整理好照片, 再補上ㄧ篇詳細的遊記.


I also fulfilled my promise to the chief surgeon Dr. Chang whom did a brilliant job on removing my AML in September - a portrait for the doc.  Not having much to work from except a couple low resolution iphone pics taken in the ward and my fading memory, I was quite happy how the portrait turned out.  At least it capture a glimmer of wisdom in his eyes.  Don't you think?  Thank you again, Dr. Chang!

願望三. 承諾C大夫的肖像畫好裱框親手在復診後奉上, 九月中出院前hold住來查房的C大夫以iphone拍了兩張數位照為範本, 當時病房日光燈慘白, iphone解析度低, 回到新加坡的書桌前我啃禿筆桿拼命回憶大夫面容特點: C大夫有雙明亮的眼睛, 高挺的直鼻, 就算疲倦也給人神采奕奕的印象, 嘴角微揚泛露溫情與福氣, 天圓地方, 自成ㄧ派睿者風度.(呃… 口條多練練, LK可以戴溥儀墨鏡改行算命!) 我畫人像素來化繁為簡, 不求寫實百分百, 但盼明快的筆觸能捕捉神髓… 端詳畫像的C大夫幽默的說要將畫像擺在家中顯眼處, 讓平時嫌他嫌的不得了的太座看看, 原來他人眼中自己丈夫還是滿帥的!(咦… LK先生找到知己了!) 我和ㄧ旁的護士長忍不住哈哈大笑, 以美醜論英雄乃偶像明星求生法則, 絕非濟世良醫的境界, C大夫何須介懷… 在我看來, C夫人對C大夫當是ㄧ往情深, 所謂'愛之深, 責之切'啊 : )


What would be the ultimate luxury for a married woman and a naughty boy's mother?  You got it - an escape from both the husband and the son(a girl's outing one big plus!)  For very good reasons I lucked out from Mr. LK's family reunion for one day, the precious one day alone all to myself, all about me, me, me…  The escape inaugurated with a scenic shuttle bus ride followed by non-stop snack time on the high speed rail from Taichung to Taipei.  I am a fan of Taiwan's mass transit!

日月潭家族之旅因初五開診我得回醫院做例行CT, 不得不開溜, 初四自己搭高鐵由烏日回台北, LK先生和小V自然老大不願意, 我卻為這難得獨處的奢侈興奮的很. 旅館的接駁車是雙層客運, 明亮的窗戶竟飾有巴洛克風的花邊繡簾?! 車廂背景音樂是令人手舞足蹈的西洋老歌, ㄧ路上遍覽茶園景色, 乍看不協調的突兀隨著陽光淺照, 漸漸融為濃稠獨到的滋味, 這就是台灣, 我的故鄉.


Although I was awaited with the northern gloomy weather when the train glided into the Taipei station… still,  I have come home at last.

高鐵烏日站簡直是中台灣名產博品館, 琳瑯滿目的太陽餅, 綠豆椪, 麻糬, 蜜餞, 滷味… 迫不及待灑鈔票購買, 伴手禮都快重過隨身行李. 高鐵的商務車廂真舒服, 還供應熱茶咖啡報紙! 平常為以身作則並共體時艱(小V對很多零食原料過敏), 我不碰也不在家裏儲放零嘴, 現下乘高鐵遨遊正處'雲遊四海可比是小飛俠'(註1.)的fu, 放懷嚼完整包萬益桂花豆干和半袋糖漬洛神花, 煙燻鴨翅膀還沒開封哩! 已到站台北, '卡早聽人唱台北不是我的家, 但是我ㄧ點攏無感覺, OH! 再會吧! OH! 向前走!'(註2.) 台北當然是我的家, 誰對自己的家沒有些愛恨情仇呢? 踏出高鐵站, 束馬尾黑風衣牛仔褲, 拎著大包小包的我往捷運板南線, 在沒入下波紅男綠女人潮前如是想著, 揮手將空紙袋投進環保箱, 那姿態忒瀟灑卻帶幾分蒼涼.


註1, 2 節錄林強'向前走'的歌辭, 很特別有點輕搖滾的台語歌, 這裏的連結是五月天版本.