為誰開, 茶花滿路? Smell The Camellia

This blog post is chronologically… out of order.  The LK clan spent the new year at the lovely Carneros Inn in Napa before I flew solo to Shanghai for work.  Then I wrote about Shanghai while memory was fresh.  Ah, a vacation is a vacation, everyone knows it's not going to last forever but while we are at it, let's stretch out like lazy cats under the sun.

Our suite at the Carneros Inn, Napa.

春雨霏霏, 原本焦枯的庭園滋潤幾天後綠意盎然, 敞開落地窗, 赫然發現後院亭亭玉立一株艷紅山茶花, 我這人, 眼睛都長哪兒去?!  園藝當然一竅不通, 對山茶花的認識來自'天龍八部'段譽被囚曼陀山莊的章節, 金庸妙筆, 十八學士, 風塵三俠, 八仙過海, 眼兒媚… 各杜撰滇茶名種讀著有趣.  可惜這章節凸顯大理段二眾情婦之一王蘿王夫人的偏執乖戾, 想來金庸十分大男人主義, 小說中的女主角除了黃蓉, 全都是男主角的陪襯…

為君生, 為君癡, 為君亡.  男性讀者最喜歡的雙兒和小昭, 乃貼身女僕兼秘書, 划算的很.  

There have been several departures in the professional setting lately.  I might appear to be one of those cool, calm and collected.  Deep inside, I never quite master the goodbyes.  People say 'keep in touch', 'our paths will cross again'… do we really?  If a person truly cares about the other, a friend or a kindred spirit, we must hold them close, close to our hearts.  Stuff professionalism.

The interior of the suite.

這些日子職場波瀾迭宕, 心情並不好過.  某天埋頭察驗設計,  團隊的S出外買午餐, 問要不要替我帶點什麼, 我衝口而出'威士忌, 不加冰'. 酗酒酗出面… 那德性!  去年底於靈魂的辯駁追逐漸行漸遠, 我不知趣問靜候La Primavera畫前的她: "等我房貸付完, 再來找你?"  任勞任怨是老伴, 靈魂可是情人, 她需要熱烈的愛, 深情款款的凝視, 上窮碧落下黃泉, 只為再見你一面, 唉!  那天送別團隊成員T, 日裔美籍的T才華洋溢, 手筆國色天香, 當年面識時我一見傾心, 即刻請HR下聘書, 今時今日她立意脫離邪惡帝國追尋藝術夢, 身為上司我雖惋惜卻只能支持祝福.  T哭得淚眼汪汪, 我強忍, 怕在人前掉淚, 無力留才相對顯示LK領導無方.  下班後驅車回南灣接小V, 途中國際分部的D來電告別, 向來爽朗的她聲音聽得出幾許無奈, 說著說著我忿忿不平, 她反倒安慰我:  "天下無不散的宴席."  是了, 千里搭長棚, 要成熟識大體, 該瀟瀟灑灑送往迎來… 為什麼就是做不到? 為什麼就是會難過? 可不可以一次, 一次就好? 讓我相信, 忠誠和努力會換得應有的回報. 停車校門前, 我終究掌不住, 強烈的挫敗感泉湧, 伏在方向盤上潸潸流淚.

Nothing beats the winter blues like crackling fire, coffee and donuts.

Simple pleasures of the winter holiday.

亦為老朋友守約, 待她撥雲見月結伴旅行.  翻閱滿檔的行事曆, 人妻人母畢竟空閒不易.  然想想這年頭誰還能兩肋插刀, 若抽時間都做不到, 算什麼朋友?  愛情完全決勝時間點, 為心上人稍遲疑便見輸贏.  友情其實更迂迴, 心有靈犀往往知道何時該伸手扶持, 何時該靜觀其成. 

El Nino has transformed the desert in my backyard into an oasis.

I even found shrubs of camellias blooming like a painting.  Was I that blind or was it the notorious draught that has been preventing these beauties from blossoming?

思緒錯縱複雜, 生活倒簡單, 所謂歲月寧好.  LK先生環亞出差, 晚晚小V抱著枕頭被子來房間撒嬌, 因為爸爸不在家, 他要保護媽咪(!)  接他放學, 一棕髮大眼的混血小妞怔怔看我半晌, 轉頭對小V低語: "你媽咪哪有grumpy face?  她好漂亮!" (未來兒媳婦真上道:)  LK先生與我皆少年老成正經好學, 大抵物極必反, 小V古靈精怪, 甜死人不償命. 見我不開心或他自己做錯事時, 便跑來緊緊摟著媽咪親吻… 這小子, 將來會是某位女子的良伴吧?  而她, 可會像我一樣深深的, 深深的愛著你, 願意為你擋刀槍子彈?

想到這, 驚覺自己變態, 趕緊就此打住.

Part of my new year's resolution is to read more.  I inaugurated 2016 with reading When Breath Becomes Air, the memoir of Dr. Paul Kalanithi.  As much as I want to declare 'it's empowering!', it is not.  No one could stare Death in the face without fear or regrets.  The achingly beautiful writing confronts the darkest of secrets and the rawest of emotions.  It is a heartbreaking reminder to live true to oneself, always and please.      

2016未立大目標, 希望多覽好書則是, 開春首部When Breath Becomes Air於週末早晨讀完, 是哲學思想豐富神經外科醫生Dr. Paul Kalanithi心碎的回憶錄, 正當英年的他診斷出肺癌末期, 生命的脆弱, 靈魂的睿勇, 凝視死亡直至終點.  人生好難可是?  當我們為理想奮鬥為愛糾結的同時, 死亡如影隨行.  生命的大哉問沒有解答, 願能誠實面對自己, 用心過每一天.

ps.  這篇的圖片其實是新年於Napa Carneros Inn渡寒假所攝, 最後兩張是被糊塗主人忽略的山茶花和'秋風庭院蘚侵階'.