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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

我心黑暗 Dark at Heart

A design project I was working on for a nonprofit organization prior to Sapphire's passing away.  The project did not happen due to various reasons but it was still special to me because I created it during Sapphire's last days on earth.

晨起風雨交加, 頭痛鼻塞, 想來是感冒了, 便告假在家. 到了中午精神好些開啟電腦工作, 無數個鐘點後才發覺什麼病假嘛? 我根本還是工作了一天! 人性真悲哀, 我那麼渴望被須要被肯定嗎? 在環境風雨飄搖的時候, 能躲在大企業的保護傘下是安穩幸福的吧? 為什麼我偶有panic attack, 像一頭籠中獸, 繞著冰冷的欄干緩緩踱步, 夢想在曠野邁足奔跑…


七點整闔上手提電腦, work from home也要有點節制… 今晚懶得開伙, 將週末剩的brioche和自製的馬鈴薯沙拉盛在Seletti(The Conran Shop)的仿鋁箔紙瓷盤上,猛一看, 有幾分現代裝置藝術的味道! 如果美國寫實畫家Edward Hopper描述寂寞城市人的Nighthawks 搬到現在, 畫中人吃得該是我的晚餐.

Nighthawks by Edward Hopper 1942



餐後開始欣賞我的黑暗偶像Tim Burton導演的哥德風血腥音樂劇Sweeney Todd(另類基度山恩仇記加西洋版人肉叉燒包), A Room with A View的古典美人Helena Bonham Carter搖身一變成化著煙燻妝, 用人肉做派的餅鋪老闆娘, 肉貨哪兒來哩? 本來就有點怪怪的Johnny Depp扮演殺人不眨眼的血腥理髮師, 他理容椅上的亡魂便是啦! 人生如戲, 若我也導一部哥德風的Miss LK, 角色的設定該是什麼? 我喜歡繁複細緻的畫, 主題偏幽暗但色彩要強烈華麗, 我不怕血, 解剖課操刀的小組團員總是我… 嗯, 我想我會是一位相當出色的刺青師傅!!! 我的工作室要明亮寬敞, 然只在暴雨天開張(反悔的客人無處可逃?) 落地畫窗掛著古銅色的紗簾(窗裡窗外的景緻怎麼看都像掉色的古舊明信片!)


而開張大吉的刺青主題呢? 我將去年一幅舊作放大… 一個曾被主人寵愛的機械娃娃被拋棄在垃圾場, 誤入了魔法詛咒的森林, 娃娃能唱能跳但沒有人類的心臟, 因此只要聽到love一辭, 她空洞的胸腔便充滿迴聲, 讓她痛苦的咆哮…


原來我人生的其它選擇如斯驚悚, 明天還是安份回公司, 暫時繼續當設計師…


8 comments:

Huang said...

Are you feeling better? please take care :)

Huang said...

forgot to tell u, if you become a tattooist one day, i'll be your first customer...

material girl said...

我最近也有類似感觸... 不過我工作的原因跟 Miss LK 不一樣, 並不是渴望被肯定, 而是沒別的事好做啊! 週末跟老闆告假三天, 但是枕邊人只顧工作, 朋友有各自生活, 家人千里之遙, 到頭來需要我的反而只有我的老闆... 真是悲哀的現實啊.

我也要像 Miss LK 一樣大聲說 "我心黑暗"!!

(妳下次覺得黑暗的時候請來我家, 我們一起研究 Williams Sonoma 的食譜好了. ^^y)

Miss LK said...

huang,

I'm feeling better... have been drinking hot ginger tea!

I did not realize that you are into tattoo?! I am fascinated with the concept of tattoo(Gothic and romantic in a twisted way) but in reality, it is too harsh and permanent(I cannot even stand one flu shot... a needle jabbing 1000 times, ugh!)

Maybe mehndi/henna? It is also artistic and intricate but no pain and no blood :) Didn't our moms go for the 'eyebrow tattoo or eyeliner tattoo'? These ladies are brave.

Miss LK said...

MG,
小V須要LK媽(他外婆), LK先生須要寶貝兒子小V和他的事業, 真正百分之百須要我的Sapphire已經離世 ☹ 家中寄養的小客人須要一位終身主人而不是我這個foster mommy… 愈想愈黯然, 我現在就驅車南下, 敲你家大門. 開玩笑的啦! 研究WS食譜是個好主意喔… 有得吃有得玩! 我最近也自創幾個食譜, 大多是簡易難出錯的沙拉.

Huang said...

*shh* i am secretly into that...

周太太 said...

I'm the same! When I take a sick day, I end up working most of the day!
Now I've learned that some things can wait. Getting better/health is much much more important than work. I know it's easier said than done sometimes...

Miss LK said...

huang,

how many do you have already?!

周太太,

Aww, we are pathetic!!!

The truth is that our companies will not fall without us(and if they do, they probably have rather big problems...) We are the only ones to care for our families and our own health.

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